Tag Archives: self development

About bullshit

I just felt today that I had a very little amount of moments in my life when I did some bullshit consciously. Even more, I thought that most people do little to no bullshit consciously too. The most important part here is that bullshit is a very relative concept (the same thing can be brilliant for me when I’m stuffed with energetics and very bullshit once I’m tired).

This dude does no bullshit

Those folks do no bullshit

gopnik, гопники

What’s interesting, I can imagine how each of the examples from the above can say that the other example is doing bullshit. Professor is tinkering with a weird thingy which can be bullshit if viewed from the point of you of the guys. Guys presumably like to punch other guys which can be bullshit from the point of view of the professor.

Today I’ve figured that our rejection to do bullshit actually limits us.

People suffer from the same problems for years, because (almost quoting real people):

  • Trainings are bullshit
  • Coaches are bullshit
  • Paying moneyz where I can do myself for free and better is bullshit – that’s stereotypically very american thing
  • Doctors, medicines and vaccinations are bullshit – in the old days people were ok without these
  • Being vegan is bullshit
  • Eating animal flesh is bullshit
  • Politics is bullshit

I won’t be asking you to enroll for a training, buying a course or hiring a coach in your gym. Start simple:

  • Try returning back home using another route than you’re used to
  • If you’ll see somebody doing bullshit – be curious and ask them what is the idea of that and try the thing for yourself

You can share your findings here. I bit you more of useful bullshit in your life.

Don’t confuse me with an optimist

Recently I was judged to be an optimist, which is not quite the case. Let’s find out what the difference is and try to get a feel of that.

Optimism is a mental attitude or world view that interprets situations and events as being best (optimized), meaning that in some way for factors that may not be fully comprehended, the present moment is in an optimum state. The concept is typically extended to include the attitude of hope for future conditions unfolding as optimal as well.

Case 1.
Person: we’ve screwed the search puzzle by picking the wrong route
Me: I feel like I understand the logic better now

Case 2.
Person: I hate playing without a navigator person
Me: I’ll fill in the gap next time

I don’t hope for the better future here, neither do I speculate about the universe(factors that may not be fully comprehended). I only have me, myself and I playing with my words and thoughts, putting them in a way which makes the experience actionable and empowering.

Exercise

If you’d like to get a feel of that try this:knuckles

1. Get yourself a timer
2. Pick a challenging pose
3. Measure your time and notice all the thoughts in your head, in my case I always end up with something like “Oh, I’m tired”, “It hurts”, “It’s raining”, “I’ll do my best next time” — this will be specific to you, but I’m including a good set of excuses as a youtube video[1]
4. take some rest
5. try once again but closer to the end nurse a different set of thoughts, I’m particularly excited by “This current moment represents my whole life, following the wuss route now, I’m accepting that for all”, also having a beautiful girl nearby helps :)

I bet you’ll be better at p5 than at p3.

Takeaways

Now that you noticed how your thoughts can kneecap you or support your goals achievement. Whichever you choose?

[1] Nike ‘No excuses’ commericial

The magic of relaxing your buttocks

catWhile doing my usual morning workout today, I’ve danced around my cat. She wanted some attention, but she was calm about it. What was revealing is her efficiency. She just moved into a positions where me exercising the usual way had no choice but to touch her. She was putting herself into a place where environment would fulfill the goal!

Consciously moving towards something is the act of will. Being probably the firstest thing a person should learn on their way to their excellence, on later stages, it seems, this may become an excessive energy sink, especially if you’re not stable about your emotions towards the goal.

Do you think having will power and desire to get to a cashier good enough reasoning to break through the doors on a bank holiday?

Not fighting with the environment leaves you with time and energy surplus you could spend elsewhere. And even if you think by patiently waiting for something you lower your chances X times – how many more goals you can keep tabs on? The only thing left is to alleviate pressurized perception of time.

Now I have a reason to do stuff I want, not stuff I wanted. The world’s made of joy, isn’t it?

cat_clean

Cultivating your desires 101

How can you achieve something when you desire nothing? Ever wondered about ways to fix this?

This year I had like 4 times when I was googling about how to learn to grow a desire for something and it never felt right. Now I have my own idea, which is based on the assumption that desiring something is a built in mechanism and if it doesn’t work for you, than it’s distracted by something else.

aidel

 

 

 

Below I describe my desire life cycle model and describe fallacies and tricks I’ve discovered while fixing the pipeline.

Attention

It’s not possible to desire something, when your attention drawn to some stuff already. If your life is piled up with some stuff – you’ll need to learn to say no to upcoming and existing items.

Saying no to people was a tricky business first, but now it pays off with improved confidence. I don’t have to be likable person to feel real good : )

Redefining agreements on existing commitments is another thing which may be scary first(I was afraid of being a bad person), but it worked out pretty well for me. It seems that in the end, being predictable and acting transparently(e.g. letting know you won’t meet the commitment in advance) has a greater value to people than actually performing. Actually that feels right given the environment change pace nowadays.

So, learn to leave the cinema if the movie doesn’t feels right ; )

Interest

Interest is a built in feedback mechanism of our bodies. We’re interested in information on preserving our comfort as well as something new to expand the horizons. Feeling joy rewards that physically.

You’ll feel this naturally and the only thing needed here is to recognize the thing and accept it.

Decision

That’s another one going wrong all the time for me. Decision making capability is based on two things – your determination balanced by the fears. There were two problems for me here.screw

Indecision – ‘paralysis by analysis’, I frequently postponed decision forever by trying to gather more information about how the situation will resolve.

Rationalizing inaction – I tended to explain my feelings and switch my attention to something different. E.g. “Wow a nice girl! Let me face her and talk(Here I feel genuinely interested). But wait, why would I want to do that? (Here I’m rationalizing) I don’t need that.(I’ve blown up the thing)“.


“Skrew it, let’s do it” thing fixed the problems for me – when interested in something, learn to decide quickly(e.g. in 5 seconds). Anyway, you can’t predict the outcome, so faster you’ll get the feedback the faster you’ll move forward.

Execution

Usually action phase is longer than the previous ones(otherwise why you’d postpone something doable in a moment?), so it might be tricikier to get your resources allocated for a longer time. Just do. Concentrate on a thing. And don’t fall into fallacies of mine :)

Losing focus – in the age of content, it’s easy to be distracted by yet another new idea, so if you really-really want to achieve something you’d need a couple of tricks here:

  • Information diet – say no blogs, social networking sites, TV series unless you have a clear goal for the use. It’s too easy to get sidetracked
  • Environment – embrace more contacts with people targetting similar things as you do. Competition also keeps you in tonus : )

Concentrating on failure – sometimes(and if you’re learning fast enough, then more often) your actions won’t yield the result you was interested in(e.g. sloppy movie, boring companion). Either discover your way through the situation and execute, or throw the whole idea away.

Giving up quickly – there any many reasons to do that, but you always have a choice of which facts to consider. So use tricks available to omit that:

  • Maintain your list of reasons to continue
  • Publicly commit
  • Burn the bridges : )

Learning

Once done with the goal achievement process, you’re in a longest phase of learning the lessons. Here you can use your experience to boost your next achievements. Now I start it with the following questionnaire:

  • What I felt upon achieving the thing? (I keep a separate doc for this and refer to it for a motivation injection)
  • What went wrong? What can I do to overcome thins next time?
  • What worked well? Can I apply any the ideas to my past situations?

The End

My model is still my model. Make sure you understand how your process works, how to influence it and enjoy the results.

Happy New Year – don’t forget to achieve something challenging in 2014 for the greater good : )

 

110% result

Strive to 110% results, then usual 100% of the stuff is more achievable

Hunters know about this in their ‘shoot ahead’ rule.
Oct12Tuition_p10-13.indd

Project managers know about allocating a buffer.
ccpm

And all I know that if I’d like to do do 11 pull-ups, I should strive for 12 from the beginning : )

Alternatively

I can target 90% of my capabilities and achieve them more often as well. But life and self development is all about expanding your horisonts, aren’t they? So make sure your results are not too good all the time : )

Muscules and results tend to grow when you stretch them quite a bit ; )

Cost of not looking dumb

“You never break anything, you’re probably not moving fast enough” (c) Mark Zuckerberg

Being dumb(a person having issues to fix) is a tough business, specially if you’re used to think you’re not the one. By trying not to look dumb, we actually become dumber – we’re protecting out status quo and all the issues are collected throughout our life. Being dumb is just a matter of collecting feedback and using that to make yourself better personality.

For example, I was reluctant to ask people for a favors because I was afraid to discover I don’t have that strong of a relationship with me. That same thing prevented me from doing proper follow-ups and closing deals.

Symptoms

Some of those include:

  • Feeling like you’re the intelligent one and all the problems are inside other people
  • Anger and desperation emotions filling you on regular basis
  • Not doing stuff because “you will LOOK dumb”

Fix

  • Embrace failure – do stuff you’re not good at and learn to accept failure as a natural part of your growth
  • Be open – acknowledge your gaps and convey them clearly to the people you’re maintaining relationships with. Being public is 80lvl of this : )
  • Observe – each time you’re procrastinating(Ha, just not doing) something, you’re trying not to spot a tricky part of yourselfs and thus appear to be cool one

May the force be with you : )