Cultivating your desires 101

How can you achieve something when you desire nothing? Ever wondered about ways to fix this?

This year I had like 4 times when I was googling about how to learn to grow a desire for something and it never felt right. Now I have my own idea, which is based on the assumption that desiring something is a built in mechanism and if it doesn’t work for you, than it’s distracted by something else.





Below I describe my desire life cycle model and describe fallacies and tricks I’ve discovered while fixing the pipeline.


It’s not possible to desire something, when your attention drawn to some stuff already. If your life is piled up with some stuff – you’ll need to learn to say no to upcoming and existing items.

Saying no to people was a tricky business first, but now it pays off with improved confidence. I don’t have to be likable person to feel real good : )

Redefining agreements on existing commitments is another thing which may be scary first(I was afraid of being a bad person), but it worked out pretty well for me. It seems that in the end, being predictable and acting transparently(e.g. letting know you won’t meet the commitment in advance) has a greater value to people than actually performing. Actually that feels right given the environment change pace nowadays.

So, learn to leave the cinema if the movie doesn’t feels right ; )


Interest is a built in feedback mechanism of our bodies. We’re interested in information on preserving our comfort as well as something new to expand the horizons. Feeling joy rewards that physically.

You’ll feel this naturally and the only thing needed here is to recognize the thing and accept it.


That’s another one going wrong all the time for me. Decision making capability is based on two things – your determination balanced by the fears. There were two problems for me here.screw

Indecision – ‘paralysis by analysis’, I frequently postponed decision forever by trying to gather more information about how the situation will resolve.

Rationalizing inaction – I tended to explain my feelings and switch my attention to something different. E.g. “Wow a nice girl! Let me face her and talk(Here I feel genuinely interested). But wait, why would I want to do that? (Here I’m rationalizing) I don’t need that.(I’ve blown up the thing)“.

“Skrew it, let’s do it” thing fixed the problems for me – when interested in something, learn to decide quickly(e.g. in 5 seconds). Anyway, you can’t predict the outcome, so faster you’ll get the feedback the faster you’ll move forward.


Usually action phase is longer than the previous ones(otherwise why you’d postpone something doable in a moment?), so it might be tricikier to get your resources allocated for a longer time. Just do. Concentrate on a thing. And don’t fall into fallacies of mine :)

Losing focus – in the age of content, it’s easy to be distracted by yet another new idea, so if you really-really want to achieve something you’d need a couple of tricks here:

  • Information diet – say no blogs, social networking sites, TV series unless you have a clear goal for the use. It’s too easy to get sidetracked
  • Environment – embrace more contacts with people targetting similar things as you do. Competition also keeps you in tonus : )

Concentrating on failure – sometimes(and if you’re learning fast enough, then more often) your actions won’t yield the result you was interested in(e.g. sloppy movie, boring companion). Either discover your way through the situation and execute, or throw the whole idea away.

Giving up quickly – there any many reasons to do that, but you always have a choice of which facts to consider. So use tricks available to omit that:

  • Maintain your list of reasons to continue
  • Publicly commit
  • Burn the bridges : )


Once done with the goal achievement process, you’re in a longest phase of learning the lessons. Here you can use your experience to boost your next achievements. Now I start it with the following questionnaire:

  • What I felt upon achieving the thing? (I keep a separate doc for this and refer to it for a motivation injection)
  • What went wrong? What can I do to overcome thins next time?
  • What worked well? Can I apply any the ideas to my past situations?

The End

My model is still my model. Make sure you understand how your process works, how to influence it and enjoy the results.

Happy New Year – don’t forget to achieve something challenging in 2014 for the greater good : )


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